Is “Thumbs Up” Passive Aggressive? The Texting Debate

The Bobby Bones Show recently dove into a surprisingly complicated topic: text message etiquette.

It started when Eddie asked a question about how people begin a text conversation with someone they haven’t spoken to in a couple of weeks. Should someone start with a greeting like “Hey Bobby,” or jump straight into the message? Amy said it depends on how well she knows the person. If it’s someone she rarely texts, she might include their name or even introduce herself in the message just in case they don’t have her number saved. But if it’s someone she talks to regularly, like family, using their name in a text can feel strange.

Bobby agreed and said he wouldn’t typically start a message by addressing someone by name if they already know each other well. Amy added that when she texts her brother-in-law, she wouldn’t normally begin with something like “Hey John,” because it feels unnecessary. Bobby also pointed out that some people still sign their texts with their name or initials. Amy said she has noticed the same thing, especially with older relatives.

The conversation then shifted to how people end text conversations. Bobby asked whether people wrap up a conversation on text or simply let it fade away. Amy said that if she’s going back and forth with someone quickly and is about to go to bed or stop texting, she’ll sometimes send a reaction emoji, usually a thumbs up, to signal the conversation is done. But that reaction sparked another debate. Amy pointed out that the thumbs-up emoji can sometimes come across as passive aggressive, even if that’s not the intention. Eddie said his wife doesn’t like when he sends a thumbs up in response to her messages. He admitted that even when he uses the emoji, he sometimes worries about how it will be interpreted. Bobby explained that he mainly uses the thumbs up when someone sends information he needed and he wants to confirm he understands it.

The group also talked about the red heart reaction. Several people agreed that using a heart in a work conversation feels strange because it can come across as romantic. Eddie said the heart emoji feels too personal in most situations. Because of that, Bobby said he often uses the exclamation point reaction instead when someone sends something he likes. The conversation continued as Bobby pointed out that phones now allow people to react with almost any emoji they want, but Eddie said that takes too much time to search for the right one. Eddie also mentioned he has started using the hand gesture emoji that forms a circle with the thumb and index finger. To him, the symbol means “okay” or “got it.” But Bobby said he reads that emoji completely differently. When he sees it, it feels sarcastic to him, like someone saying “okay” in a sarcastic tone. That difference made the group realize how easily reactions can be misunderstood.

Bobby then explained that he has an entire system for responding to jokes over text. If something is mildly funny, he might respond with “haha.” If it’s a little funnier, he’ll type “HAHA” in lowercase letters. If it’s even funnier, he’ll use capital letters. If something genuinely makes him laugh, he’ll respond with “LOL.” And if a message is truly hilarious, Bobby said he’ll type out a message telling the person that he actually laughed out loud. He also noted that sometimes he’ll type multiple “ha” responses, like “hahahahaha," which falls somewhere between the other levels of laughter. Lunchbox joked that Bobby might need to provide people with a guide to understand his entire texting system.